I sit here at my laptop at 4:37am, having spent the past four hours doing basically nothing important on my phone. Facebook, games, bullshit nonsense designed to waste time and dull my brain so I could escape the anxiety and fall into sleep. Why anxiety, with a dose of depression and self-doubt to go with it? Because I knew I had not done enough that day, had gotten caught up in some project that seemed vital in the moment, but it had nothing to do with what was important, and even made the important more difficult to acheive.
And the minutes ticked by, and I wasted more time, and felt, oddly, MORE awake. I played a game, and it dulled some part of my brain enough that the demons of self-doubt and self-loathing were dulled, and an inner voice that had confidence in me, believed in me, LOVED me, said, essentially: