I sit here at my laptop at 4:37am, having spent the past four hours doing basically nothing important on my phone. Facebook, games, bullshit nonsense designed to waste time and dull my brain so I could escape the anxiety and fall into sleep. Why anxiety, with a dose of depression and self-doubt to go with it? Because I knew I had not done enough that day, had gotten caught up in some project that seemed vital in the moment, but it had nothing to do with what was important, and even made the important more difficult to acheive.
And the minutes ticked by, and I wasted more time, and felt, oddly, MORE awake. I played a game, and it dulled some part of my brain enough that the demons of self-doubt and self-loathing were dulled, and an inner voice that had confidence in me, believed in me, LOVED me, said, essentially:
A concrete example of how “playing with garbage” can really make a beautiful difference. Check out Washed Ashore for more information.
A close up of the discarded plastic waste cleared from beaches that is used to make the sculptures
I look at pictures of craft rooms on Pinterest and Facebook, and they are typically super organized with lots of white cabinetry, and all these specialty storage units for paper or ribbon or ink pads. Here and there is something “repurposed” – a large apothecary jar filled with washi tape, or a dresser that’s been painted and holds neatly folded fabric in its glass-knobbed drawers.
My room does not look like that. Yes, I have a craft room, and though I feel very Martha Stewart, it is a whole room that is mine, with a window and a closet and everything. 2 bedroom apartment + clutter + no kids = no guests + extra bedroom, and once I kicked my husband’s stamp collecting stuff out, it was mine, all mine! It’s had a few brief, shining moments of being orderly, but then I rearrange, or buy another storage piece at the thrift store, or acquire more supplies, and things go to hell again.